About Wendy

Updated and Revised- aka New and Improved About Wendy

I am a realistic optimist; which means I know I have to play the lottery to win but I also know I am not likely to win.

I become a dork when I meet famous people, even famous people I am not a fan of. I once spent far too long chatting about bananas in an elevator in Vegas with Sylvester Stallone. Bananas. You heard that right. He was very polite about it, but I am certain he was silently thinking to himself that I was bananas. I once told Martin Short he was in fact short. What?!? You don’t even want to know what I discussed with Neil Patrick Harris at a video store in Albuquerque. I’m just glad he has a sense of humor.

Neil Patrick Harris

I believe that dogs can cure almost whatever ails you, but I do not think they are people and so therefore should not sit at the table for dinner, wear clothing for no reason, get their toe nails painted, or be left money in wills (not to be confused with assigning ownership of your pets so they have some where to go).

Curing What Ails Me

I think flowers are a terrible present and should never be sent. When you send flowers you are really just saying “Here are some dead things I bought to cheer you up.” Or “I commissioned death in your honor.” Why would you do that?

I love receiving actual snail mail and still get giddy when anything but a bill comes in the mailbox. However, I seem to be unable of reciprocating this action no matter how much time and forethought I put into it. If I don’t owe you money, you aren’t likely to hear from me via your mailbox. Its not personal.

I have 3 tattoos. And I don’t care if you “get them”, like them, or understand why. One is the actual paw print of the dog that bore witness to my life and offered unfailing shelter in times of stormy weather; he left an imprint on my soul that will never disappear. One is for my sister to represent the permanent mark she left on me by her friendship and support beyond the call of sisterhood. The last is for my first pack of dogs and the world they opened up for me, the lessons they taught me and the smiles they gave me.

Dog of My Life

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I love sleep. It is the number one thing I miss since having children. I am at my best when I get 11 hours of sleep. Therefore, I have not been at my best for almost 4 years.

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I can’t throw. Anything. No really. I once threw my wallet on the roof trying to toss it to someone on the porch. My favorite dog refused to play Frisbee with me because he grew tired of the erratic and unpredictable nature resulting from my severe lack of skills.

I love hiking, but apparently only with dogs and nothing too challenging. If a hike is challenging, it is no longer a hike and just a challenge. Which I also like, but would then not call it a hike.

Challenge not a Hike

I love made up words; like exhaustimated and absotivly posolutely.

I think one of the greatest problems of the modern world is that women are too damn insecure and are given too much authority to exercise their ridiculous feelings based on their insecurities, as if they were actionable items as opposed to insecure notions. Calling the shots in any scenario should not be done by someone wondering if their butt looks fat or if their significant other secretly still loves his ex. Frankly, if either are true, then you aren’t strong enough to call any shot, get some self-respect woman.

I am not very nice when I get low blood sugar. In addition, I know I’m not being nice and I still can’t stop it. Good luck with that. :)

I have little time for crazy people anymore. Sadly, much of my past is filled with people who really needed mental health care or consistent medication, not their fault, but still true. I hope they find it and improve; but until then, they can stay on their side of the playground. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

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I am a hoarder, not a sick I save my cat’s used kitty litter hoarder, but a I can’t let go of the things I cherished as an 8 year old hoarder. Anyone want to play doll house? Barbies? Or Horses? I even have the Ewok Village if you lean that way. Sure the dollhouse people are a little sticky from the degradation of the plastics in use 30 years ago, but I think if we drink wine while playing we won’t notice or care.

I no longer clean my house for guests or make apologies about how we live. You don’t like dog hair? Cool. Don’t come over. Looking for a place to sit your drink cup? Me too, buy me a table. Then buy me the extra sq footage to put it in.

I am such a donut whore that at one point in my history the man who owned the donut shop would have my usual order packed and ready to go at the door and refused to let me pay. I’m not sure if I am proud of or merely frightened by this factoid.

I am such a creature of habit, that when I go to a new restaurant I have to choose what I order very carefully because whatever it is, even if it turns out to be terrible, it will be the “thing” I always order in the future. Sad but true.

People think I don’t like change, but the truth is, I don’t like change I didn’t orchestrate. I happen to love change and initiate it frequently and in many ways in my life. If you think this statement conflicts with the above statement about me, think again. I’ll just change to a new restaurant. One can be a creature of habit and still love to initiate change.

I believe that religion is all too often used as a crutch or excuse for why someone has failed, refuses to try, or hurt others. Move on folks, you are responsible for you and your actions regardless of what deity you do or do not pray to.

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I am filled with new ideas for products or services that would likely earn me a lot of money but somewhere in the process of bringing it to fruition I get sidetracked by life and the inability to create time I don’t have to find money I don’t have, to fund the project I just thought of. Now if I could invent a time machine I could solve all of the aforementioned problems.

I am the brain child behind http://littlealbums.com and I think it would be really cool if I made money from it. :) In essence, I spent a boat load of money creating my own private baby books, when what I intended to do was create a simple solution online for new moms who felt guilty about not keeping a good baby book. Apparently, no one else in the world is interested in an easy, self-driven baby book, with reminder emails and self-publishing options where you can upload photos and stories about your baby and then print hard back books to keep or gift. Who knew the world was so against easy and efficient? Not me. I remain hopeful for the future- See Realistic Optimist above.

LittleAlbums

I think women should never ever nag. I think men should stop giving us reasons too.

nag

I try to assume the best about people. I try to avoid assuming the worst. I am repeatedly disappointed by this process, but it is what I would want others to do for me, so I persevere. May no one be judged by their worst day or their finest hour but by the majority of their actions and their hidden intentions.

I sing songs to my boys. My favorite includes the lines “There’s a penis in your pants in your pants. There’s a penis in your pants in your pants. There’s a penis in your pants, one day you’ll use it for romance. There’s a penis in your pants in your pants.” Sung to the tune If you’re happy and you know it. Yes, I recognize it’s not politically correct, but it never fails to make them laugh and it is true. Which hits two of my main goals; make them laugh and never lie to children.

I don’t believe in lying to children. I believe in omitting the parts of life they are not ready to handle or understand. The truth will always come out. You run the risk of losing them when you lie about major aspects of their life. Lying is wrong, unless it’s about Santa Clause.

I watch far more TV than I want to. And got far more done when I didn’t. But I know I will never win the argument of stopping Dish service as long as there is the NFL.

football

I believe that sometimes you have to do things outside your comfort zone, because it is the right thing to do.

I hate confrontation. Hate it. Will do anything not to have it. Which has made me a people pleaser. I am now convinced that neither is good and I strive to confront when necessary and to people please only those who deserve it.

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I am not the kind of person who regrets taking action. Even if I fail, or am wrong, at least I tried.

 

 

Original About Me- Last Published 7/26/2013

I am a thirty something mother of two, wife to one, who lives in Colorado. I am employed as a Technical Writer but I wouldn’t call that my job (not with all the other things I do around here). We live on 5 acres full of pups , tumbleweeds, lots of testosterone (I am the only female), and excessive chaos. I love my boys, my dogs, reading, writing, hiking, photography, and going to the gym (yes, I am one of those people). I’m on a mission to discover a new way of life; one that will bring me less stress, more peace, and lots of happiness. I’d like to be able to say I happen to life,  that life doesn’t happen to me.  I’d like to be able to keep my cool, get organized, live frugally, develop  6-pack abs while I sleep, and simplify. This is my journey to find that happy place.

4 thoughts on “About Wendy

  1. Pingback: About Me | Driving Under the Influence of Kids

  2. I’m loving you’re blogijj very funny and very inspiring!
    you’re so kooky!
    I solute you!
    Elizabeth

  3. Pingback: How to be Happy in 19 Fairly Painless Steps | Driving Under the Influence of Kids

  4. Pingback: My Shameless, Yet Unapologetic, Love Letter to Upworthy | Driving Under the Influence of Kids

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