The Week “Flu” By

A person can learn a lot about themselves when they have the flu. For instance I figured out that two days is about all I can really stand of delusional sweatiness without risking death in a shower. Or that choosing television shows to binge on Netflix should NOT include a show about the flu virus killing off most of the population. Bottom line is, even if the show is good, your dreams will not be. I also learned that nothing hurts the heart like hearing my babies sick in the next room and being too sick to take care of them. Maybe the greatest thing I learned is that next year I will be getting the flu vaccine, maybe the greatest, but not the most important. Here are the top things I learned while crying and chanting “Take care of my little bears” over and over in a delusional stupor certain I would succumb to my illness and die before seeing my boy’s next birthdays.

  1. When your husband tells you he is sick you should not instantly doubt the severity of his illness or you might just get a taste.
  2. Heating pads are your friends.
  3. Survivors is an awesome show unless you don’t like cliff hangers because it ends on one AND was cancelled (you suck BBC). I will never know what happens… never.
  4. The world falls apart when moms get sick. Seriously, I was only out of it for 4 days and no one fed the fish, watered the plants (can you not see it dying?), or managed to keep the mail in one spot. Not to be morbid but I am seriously considering a “If I should die…” Book with just the high points of what I do in case someone has to fill my shoes. PS the fish are fine.
  5. Nothing tastes as good as gluten when you haven’t eaten in days. Seriously, gluten good.
  6. By day two of the flu you will be ready for an audition on The Walking Dead. You won’t even need to act. And yes, I might have eaten brains I was so lost.
  7. Work doesn’t care if you are sick, they will call you at home and see if you can do “just one thing” ah the hazards of working remotely, people assume you are always well enough to login.
  8. You will lose weight, but it won’t be the kind you want. Water weight and a little bit of muscle loss never made anyone look better. Seriously, I think I am part Sharpei, at least my middle part is. ;)

But in all seriousness. I hated being sick. I hated being away from my kids, my husband, my dogs, my life. I found out how much I really love this crazy life of mine. Sure I was just sleeping/sweating in my bedroom mere feet from the life I love, but I wasn’t able to participate, I wasn’t able to be included. And it killed. There is no other life than this one. The idea of wasting even a couple of days of it was repulsive. But it occurred to me, that some people waste their whole lives, and I’m not talking about being sick.

Some people are wasting their every day, their every moment. They are upset or angry or depressed that “things” aren’t what they wished for, wanted, or believe they deserve. So many people out there unable to appreciate what they have or work for what they want. So many people wasting life, their life, the only true thing they will ever have and they are just pissing it away, every day. What the hell people?

I don’t think I am wasting my life, I don’t think I have been unappreciative, but somehow being forced out of my life for a short time made me realize how much I really do love it. I love my little house and that I can see my kids pretty much no matter where I am standing. I’m thankful I don’t have to heat/clean/decorate a bigger home with more things. I love my husband and his silly sense of humor, even if he won’t hug me during illness and it was his cooties that got me sick. I love my little boys even though one of them thinks spitting is a sport he plans to take to Olympic levels and the other is never wearing any pants (totally bare tushie). I love my dogs, despite the dirt in my bed and the gas in my living room. I love my job and the flexibility it affords us and the money it provides to pay our bills and keep us fed. I love my friends who seem to know the exact moment I need a pick me up and have an uncanny ability to contact me out of the blue at the very moments I need them. I love the TV shows that can make me cry, the books that make me skimp on my chores to read them, the moments at the gym (even the bad ones that remind me how lucky I am to be able to work out). I love it all. I wouldn’t trade it, I wouldn’t ask for more.

So getting sick sucked. I haven’t been that sick in a long time (no my husband didn’t hug me that time either, though strangely he did say he would kiss me if he found me dead. Go figure.). I haven’t cried that much in a long time. I haven’t felt so useless and helpless and fragile and afraid in a long long time. It was just the flu. Just some dumb little virus, so small I can’t even see it. Just a dumb little virus that reminded me how fragile life is, how great my life is, and how lucky I am for all of it. I don’t often wax nostalgic for things in my past and I rarely talk about what I hope my future will bring (neither seems to bring happiness) but I think, at least I hope, that from now on I can see my present as clearly as I did in my flu induced haze. I can see everything I have at this moment that make my everything so amazing. So forgive me if I brag a little bit, but damn it, It really is a Wonderful Life.

What I am watching: Sons of Anarchy- Okay seriously, if the flu didn’t kill me the finale might have. Spoiler alert: don’t read on if you haven’t seen it yet. I wasn’t ready for that end. The next day I contacted my friend to discuss it I said did you see the finale? Her response: “Yeah WTF can you believe Jax is single now!” I love her so much. Someone dies with a carving fork to the cranium and her silver lining is the character is now single. lol. I’m traumatized for life, but alls good because she might be able to get it on with a fictional hottie. Kerry, you kill me. And thanks.

What else I’m watching: Survivors. Wow, BBC you always do good work. But why or why did you cancel this before I could find out what happens? 12 hours of my life and no closure. BBC you cancel too many shows. seriously you need to consider a website dedicated to what would have happened on all the shows you killed off too soon.

What I’m reading: Reading?!? Have you tried to read with the flu? I don’t think so. But I did find this. and this is how I get all the fellas, though my husband reports that this is NOT how I got him. Little does he know.

What I’m listening too: Head on by Man on man

What else I am listening to: Let go by RAC Does anyone else hear Morrissey? or maybe Yaz in this song??

For those of you who don’t know Yaz: Weridos. Only you

Now moment: My husband winning the employee of the year award. So proud. So proud. Yep, I almost cried, but luckily the only person who saw was the man giving him the award. Shhh Brian, don’t say a word.