Confessions of a Habitual Overthinker

I’m going to make a confession today. I’m not perfect. Whew! That felt good. Apparently, some people are under the misconception that I am, or that I should be, or that this blog professes to be the solution for finding perfection. I’m happy to report these are all false rumors generated by individuals who are either insecure and intimidated by my goal of being happy (what the hell, who are you people?) or it is a misconception driven by the belief that I think there is a perfection or only one right way to live. On the contrary, what this entire blog is really about, at it’s core, is that there are MANY ways to live and that as long as you are living intentionally, as opposed to unthinking being shoved along on a path by culture and society, then you are doing the right thing and living the best life for you. I am not sitting in judgment of others, I am merely trying to start a movement or a dialog about finding happiness.

By its very nature intentional living allows for and accepts just about any path or preference of life short of harming others. So I am stymied that anyone who has read my words might feel judged or overwhelmed at them. How hard is it to just live your life, your way? And why does it make people feel insecure or judged when others attempt to do this or suggest they might try it? Why is overall life satisfaction and happiness such a negative thing or a bad word in our day to day lives? Is it really that hard to live your life without worrying what others think and feel? Apparently, yes.

I do not believe there is a perfect life, or one path that we are all destined to go down or that will provide all people with the happiness they crave or the life they deserve. Many people would not be happy in my life or with my choices, and I would be equally unhappy in theirs. However, this does not mean that one of us is right and the other is wrong. Even those folks who follow the status quo blindly are not necessarily wrong; if they are happy and content with the results that the status quo has provided, then it was the right path for them. If they are unhappy and unfulfilled with the result, then I would argue it is time for intentional living.

My desire and project to find happiness by embarking on a new goal each week is not one I take lightly, it is not just a whim, a random quest, or just thoughts in a blog. I am determined to create the life I want by using the best tool I have at my disposal, my brain. I am convinced that if I make the effort, do the research, and apply myself that I can reach a Zen like place where I am happy and content. I’m not talking about a mythical fairy land with Unicorns and leprechauns- I get that life is hard and there will always be moments of craptastic events outside my control- but I also know that if the rest of my life is in balance those moments will be easier to overcome and their impact less devastating.

This week it has been difficult for me to find the energy to write to the blog. Knowing that my determination to find happiness has inadvertently resulted in the loss of friendships is a hard pill to swallow. It has left me rethinking my goals and my method for getting there. It has left me to wonder if the power of words was just not the right venue for expressing my journey or the bumpy road ahead. Was it possible that words could unintentionally  hurt those I care about? The realization I have come to is that while my journey and my words might hurt others, it is only because they are not ready for this kind of path in their own lives not because I intended to hurt them or cause harm. They are not prepared to look at why they are unfulfilled. they are not ready to search and work for their own happiness. Instead they feel insecure, trapped, and overwhelmed and reading my words feels like a slap in the face and a confirmation that everything they thought was lacking in their life really is. For this I am sorry. I am sorry I have made anyone feel like less, when the goal was to inspire everyone to feel like more, that they deserve more.

The important thing I was reminded of, as I contemplated all of this this week, was that I can’t make all of the people happy, all of the time. And more importantly, to find my own happiness I have to learn to be okay with that instead of feeling responsible for their unhappiness. So this weeks goal has been to identify when I should feel responsible and when I shouldn’t, because apparently I struggle with that and I think it leads to a lot of unhappiness that is easily avoidable.

Are there thing you feel badly about that aren’t really your fault? Do you take responsibility for others feelings and reactions? Have you found any solutions to stopping this behavior? I would love to hear from you and I would love for you to share this blog with others. Thanks.

What I’m reading: The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion If you like Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory, then you will love this book.

What I’m listening to: Wake Me Up by Avicii

What I’m watching: Shake

SHAKE from Variable on Vimeo.

Now moment of the week: Picking Pumpkins with little boys who say they are “cute”. In love.

Inspirations from the ether:

Wow, I have never felt less productive or more motivated to live the moments I do get very very intentionally. Must watch.